Hilary Cummings- I am looking forward to reading more of your work!
Women in Music 10/21
You made a good argument with supporting opinions and quotes. I agree that different genres of music positively regard women-like Bruno Mars. Your argument could have been even stronger if you found a dance hall or hip hop song that did the same as Bruno. In paragraph one, sentence three, they should the. Otherwise your structure and grammar was well written.
The Joys of a Consumer 10/18
This piece is so enjoyable to read! I love the use of your pictures. Your article is easy to relate to as a consumer. I am thinking of everyday products that I have mishaps with as I am reading your story. You really brought me into your writing and captures my attention. Great job!
Grammatically: ‘he spent the rest of the night’. You don’t need a comma after thanks in the last sentence, it creates a different type of emphasis then I think you were going toward.
Katie Kosturik-I look forward to being in peer group with you!
What Happens In Vegas... 10/19
Great introductory paragraph and setting the stage for your article. You may have been able to break paragraph 2 into two paragraphs- one about the first room and another about the 2nd room and all that was wrong with it. Although your conclusion was short, it was to the point and did its job summing up your experience.
Grammatically: in paragraph one, I was more than ecstatic when the five of us had arrived at our hotel and excited to start my vacation. You stated you were ecstatic, so excited is redundant…possibly reword : I was ecstatic to start my vacation when the five of us had arrived at our hotel. Or you could make it into 2 sentences to clear it up.
Sidenote: Once I stayed at a resort in Hawaii---off the beat and path---also thinking I would save money (not!) and our room was full (dozens) of huge Daddy Long Leg Spiders! We got our room changed, it was a lot smaller, but no spiders! I feel your pain.
10/21 no post to review
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